How to Quit as Bridesmaid!

Photography Credit: DAKENEY FOX PHOTOGRAPHY

I was so excited to have been asked to be part of a debate in Perfect Wedding magazine this month. It’s the first time Bespoke Bride had been in print and it was an issue that was quite close to my heart. I was asked how I felt about sacking your bridesmaid and although this has never happened to me personally I have had the shoe on the other foot and have in fact quit as someones bridesmaid.

When one of my best friends asked me to be her bridesmaid I was ecstatic, I was so excited for her and I couldn’t wait to be part of her special day. At first I wanted to be involved in every way possible helping to choose dresses, making stationery and other decor. Her and her fiance wanted to marry abroad so it started to get a little expensive and being a student I was struggling to pay for the costs but I was determined to go as she was my best friend. As time went on and the costs mounted a couple of people started to drop out and I found myself being stuck in a position where I was going to have to pay extra for a room as the person I would be staying with had also dropped out. I was feeling the financial burden but I didn’t want to let her down. I have to admit things had started to get on top of me, not to mention I was also months away from handing in my dissertation at university so I was super stressed!

I won’t go into too much detail about what happened next but basically I had put a lot of time and money into organising something she had wanted only to receive an email from my friend weeks before announcing she no longer wanted it and I snapped! I had spent so much time, effort and money on my friends wedding and I felt at that point that I was no longer being treated as a friend, rather a business.

I have been asked many times if I regret my decision to quit and my answer is ‘no’, however I do deeply regret the way I quit and it will be something I will regret forever as I ended up losing a friendship. So I suppose the point of today is to help other bridesmaids in my situation who may be at breaking point but are afraid of losing a friendship if they decide to quit.

Start by taking a deep breath and take a step back from the situation – don’t do or say anything rash, I promise you will regret this if you do! Once you have taken the time you need to calm down, sit down with your friend and ask what it is they expect you to do in your position as bridesmaid. If you think that the position still requires too much responsibility or commitment on your part now is the time to discuss this with your friend. Let your friend know that you will have trouble dedicating the time needed to the position and why? Emphasise that she is your friend and you really don’t want to let her down which is exactly why you would like to hand the position over to someone with more time to which to dedicate to her. You might even find that she is willing to share the responsibility between other bridesmaids or friends so you might not need to quit at all.

I always say communication is key, as long as you are always honest with your friend then there will be no nasty surprises further down the road. A wedding lasts for one day but friendships last forever so don’t let it ruin yours.

Much Bespoke Love

Emily x