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STOP BEING SO DAMN HARD ON YOURSELF!
I have to admit, I have been giving myself a pretty hard time these past few weeks. I’m not sure what has brought it on, maybe it has been the threat of looming deadlines or the fact that our workload has doubled as we try to make up for the time we will be losing over the summer. Going on holiday should be a time to destress and unwind, but those of you who are self employed will know that the weeks leading up to your vacation will generally be the busiest and most stressful, sometimes you might even wonder if taking a holiday is really worth all the extra hours. Of course I know it is, but when you are in the thick of it, the feeling can really start to wear you down and that is exactly what had started to happen to me.
At one point I would have struggled to hold a conversation, I was on the verge of tears at any minute, I was snappy, irritable and really struggling to sleep. I was starting to get frustrated and disappointed with myself. I was angry that there were still things we were yet to achieve, projects that we had started working on over two years ago were still not launched, ideas we had wanted to implement months ago, still not applied, all simply because we didn’t have enough time! Something had to seriously change and quick!
For a time I was scared to voice my concerns, I was worried that people might think that I no longer enjoyed working on the blog or that I didn’t love what I do, which really wasn’t the case at all! I love this blog, it is my baby, but I felt we were plodding along rather than making a future for ourselves. I decided to take action and after talking with Jess, I realised I wasn’t alone as she was starting to struggle with it all too. We needed to take steps to reduce our workload so that we could start working on a future for our blog and for our business. That meant doing some serious analyzing and discovering what our readers really expected of us. We noticed a huge drop in readers on Fridays and Saturdays compared to the other days of the week so we decided right off the back to not post anything on those days for the time being. There was no point stressing ourselves out creating posts that weren’t going to be seen, so instead we would use those days to a.) take a break, b.) spend more time on quality posts that our readers were enjoying, such as real weddings, styled shoots, DIY’s and helpful guides and c.) start working on some of those projects we had put on the back burner for so long.
Next I needed to start some work on myself, all the stress I had been feeling, was really taking its toll on my productivity, which was something I couldn’t continue if I wanted to feel in control again. So I wrote a list, but not just any old list, it was more of a spreadsheet, with everything I would need to complete and by what deadlines, including all my email day’s, posts, DIY days and events. I cannot believe how much more productive I felt as I began ticking things off that spreadsheet, it was so satisfying. However that wasn’t going to be enough, I needed to stop with the negative thoughts too, so I started practicing ‘mindfulness’.
For those of you that haven’t heard of it, ‘mindfulness’ is when you take time out of your day to focus on the now. An example could be when you sit down to eat your evening meal, taking the time to taste every single bite you eat, noticing the texture and how your body feels at that very moment. Another example of when I would practice mindfulness is at bedtime. Taking 10-15 minutes before I dropped off to sleep, to really notice how my body felt at that moment, taking deep controlled breaths and focusing on the sounds. I have been amazed how well this has worked for me. If I find myself entering a particularly stressful situation, I now take a few minutes to time out, to breath, listen and feel.
I have also started making time for me again. For a while working all hours in the day seemed to be the only solution but it really wasn’t. In fact it was doing more harm, I wasn’t using my time wisely at all. But by having a set routine I can now allocate jobs to certain times of the day, I have started going to the gym again, which in itself is highly motivating, as well as making sure I take proper breaks and getting out of the house, even if it is only going to mum and dad’s for lunch. We laugh and joke about how much time bloggers actually spend in their pyjamas but the downside to not leaving the house for days on end, is that eventually you will start to go crazy! Well I know I did anyway.
I also needed to take stock of what we had actually achieved for our blog in the past 3 years. In amongst all my frustration and disappointment, I had forgot to be grateful for what we had. When I look back now at all we have done, the experiences we have had and the friends we have made, I am truly thankful.This was the life I had wanted for myself all those years ago and I was now living it.
So I suppose the whole point of writing this post was as a little reminder to both me and you, that by being hard on yourself, you achieve nothing apart from surrounding yourself with even stress and negativity. And hey, I’m not saying we have totally got this blogging thing down yet, because I don’t know if we ever will, but I am certain that Bespoke Bride has a very bright future.
If you do one thing today – give yourself a break!
xxxx
THANK YOU!! Honestly, a huge thank you I needed this post today! I’m quite like you, I have a bridal blog and am going on holiday on Saturday with my OH and three kids. Between getting work done for my freelance clients, keeping the blog up to date and actually getting a family of five ready for our holiday I am done in! Oh and did I mention I’m getting married on Friday (it’s a surprise 😉 ) Wah, one more day should see me finished but I’m struggling to muster the effort to get there! So again, thank you, love BB! xx
Hi Em-Lou
At time of writing this you are hopefully having the time of your life on your hols and have had the most wonderful wedding day, but I just had to reply to you as soon as I got back. It is so encouraging to hear your similar story and it is times like this we need to support one another. I hope on your return you feel much more relaxed, I know I do, I’m ready to conquer the world!!!
Many Congratulations!!!
xxx
Ohhhh Emily! Hate to think of you being down in the dumps. You and Jess work so hard and as you said yourself, you sometimes take for granted what you have achieved! I am so pleased you have written this, because I have been feeling exactly the same recently. Lost in a hum drum of emails and not actually getting on with any things I want to achieve. But the fact is, these emails wouldn’t be coming in if I hadn’t already achieved something!! We need to give ourselves a bloody good pat on the back I think! And yessss…. Make the most of simple things like a cup of tea and a biscuit 😀
Awww Paula thank you so much for your amazing words of kindness and encouragement. I couldn’t agree with you more about losing yourself in your work and you are so right about it being an achievement. I actually felt really guilty about feeling that way though, as I know so many people would love to be in our position. However writing the post gave me much more perspective and a holiday certainly helped too! I am so glad you are doing well, you deserve every bit of it as you work so hard! I hope you have had a wonderful weekend, any way I am off to enjoy a cuppa and a choccy digestive 🙂
Lots of love to you 🙂
xxx
Pleased to hear you are coming through the other side of it! We all have these days (or even weeks!!), so don’t fret you are not alone! It really is a skill in itself managing your own time and being productive. Not that I can talk….. so far today, I haven’t done a lot at all! Finding it difficult to choose what to start with! My day consists of 100’s of interruptions so can never get started on anything!
But don’t feel guilty, it is perfectly normal 🙂 Enjoy your digestive and I hope to see you and Jess soon, perhaps for a de-stress!! xxx
Kudos to you, girl! Love it when bloggers get real about how hard it can be, and good on you practicing mindfulness – I’m a HUGE fan! Love the Headspace app – it’s a total game changer! X X
Thank you so much Clare! I think being self employed and working from home, although being wonderfully flexible, can also be very isolating and it is easy to get lost in your thoughts. I just wanted to know I wasn’t alone really, as I felt incredibly guilty at feeling that way? Your word of encouragement mean so much to me. I have also just downloaded the Headspace app and signed up, I can’t wait to use it, thanks so much for the suggestion!
xxx
I totally get where you guys are coming from! My husband and I work about 65 hours/week from March through November (and sometimes December). It’s so important to make time for yourself- otherwise, you do a disservice to those who are relying on you for a service by not bringing your best to the table every day. We’re looking forward to our own little holiday here in a couple of weeks to de-stress and get back to living life. 🙂
Hi Kristen! Thank you so much for taking the time to get in touch and it is encouraging to hear you are in a similar situation although you seem to have a really good perspective on it all 🙂 I hope you have the most wonderful holiday and come back feeling fully revitalised!!!
Much Love
xxx
Thank you for writing this post. I am about to head into pre-holiday madness and that panic is starting to creep in! I like the idea of taking some time just for you, I have been trying to make time to exercise more. So hard! Anyway, thanks for the great post 🙂 x
Thanks Melissa! I agree it is so hard and making time for exercise is so important, it’s a fabulous stress-buster too! I hope you have the most fantastic holiday and that you return fully revitalised, I know I have 🙂
Much love to you!
xxx
Emily. I like you have given myself so much of a hard time of late. I am on ‘holiday’ as we speak. Getting ready for it near killed me! I’m flying home Wednesday and I’m already stressing about what I need to do when I get back! I have a business that I am trying to grow. I have a million ideas, and a million things in my ‘to do list’. But it seems the more that goes on the less motivated and more depressed I get, as I am not achieving the things I want and need to. I am neither a good mother, good wife or good business women at the the moment! So I have read your words with great admiration and thanks! You have given me the kick up the proverbial that I so needed!
The first thing I will do is sit! Just sit for a while in my lovely garden, with a whole pot of tea! Then I will make a list. A proper list with time frames and I will be more productive and focused! So Thank You! Xxxx Sam
Hi Sam
Thank you so much for taking the time to comment and I completely understand how you feel! I really hope that you enjoy the last days of your holiday as worrying about the work you have to do when you get back will not serve any purpose, other than to spoil the time you are having now. Look forward to sitting in your garden and making plans and drinking that tea (because we all know tea solves everything!) Giving yourself small goals will absolutely change everything! Just a few months after making our own list we are now in the process of launching all those projects we had had our eye on for some time. I cant tell you how much more relaxed I feel. Everything feels exciting again and I know it will for you too!
Good Luck & hang in there!!!
Emily x