10 Useful Tips to Overcome a Tough Divorce + Some of Our Personal Experience
Coping with the Emotional Side of Divorce (with Videos!)
“Stay afraid, but do it anyway. What’s important is the action. You don’t have to wait to be confident. Just do it and eventually the confidence will follow.”
Breaking up is a difficult choice in one’s life. Coping with divorce requires a substantial amount of effort and time, but it can have a significant impact on your physical and psychological well-being.
When asked to express their feelings about the annulment process, people usually describe it as an emotional roller coaster. There are five distinct emotional stages that a person meets during a divorce, also referred to as the five stages of grief:
- Denial;
- Anger;
- Bargaining;
- Depression;
- Acceptance.
Understanding what to anticipate won’t eliminate the adverse emotions you’ll experience. But if you remain composed, it will be helpful for both you and your children.
Denial
Denial is the initial stage of grief and involves the inability to admit the divorce as a reality. Denial serves as a resource of solace since it enables individuals to detach themselves from a distressing truth. Typically, the spouse who did not initiate the divorce does not undergo the step.
Anger
Experiencing anger during annulment is a common reaction, usually stemming from feelings of disappointment and betrayal. Constructively channeling this feeling is a crucial element of the recovery process. It’s worth mentioning that both parties involved in the breaking up often encounter the anger stage.
Bargaining
The next step is characterized by a desire to get things done that are beyond one’s hands. It involves reconsidering the determination to divorce and is habitually accompanied by remorseful feelings. This step frequently involves a back-and-forth process for both parties, as the divorcing couple navigates through this period, and wrestles with the consequences of their choice to end the marriage.
Depression
The last but one stage may often be prolonged and is usually the most challenging of all. The darkest hour comes before dawn when the gravity of the situation becomes apparent for both parties. This sudden realization appears to be overwhelming, making seeking guidance and assistance crucial for coping with divorce.
Acceptance
The stage of acceptance marks the end of the journey, where many individuals find a sense of tranquility. Rather than just coping with their current reality, they can wholeheartedly embrace it with a positive outlook toward the future. They may even regain aspects of their former selves and be open to the changes and possibilities that lie ahead. The ex-partners will finally feel a sense of a brand-new day and the ability to move on from the relationship.
People get into marriage with the hope of staying married, as they say, “til death do us part”. It is no surprise then that divorced people take a long time to bounce back after a breaking up. The emotional effects of the break-up will last for months, and at times, the recovery process can take multiple years. Though it might not seem obvious, these stages are usually normal responses that individuals may experience. To better understand and manage these emotional fluctuations, using a mood tracker template can be immensely helpful.
Two interconnected sides to the divorce process are human emotions and life conditions. The latter includes the legal side, financial matters, and children’s present and future. Paying considerable effort to deal with the second side will aid you in coping with divorce emotions more smoothly.
Let emotions flow
It’s important to leave some room in your soul for grieving. Resolving emotional traumas after a breaking up can be a difficult process, as it involves handling the loss of amity, love, shared memories, plans, hopes, and sometimes – financial support. Divorce can feel like the death of someone you knew, and grief is an essential reaction to a serious loss, even more so in the social context. However, grief is not a plain emotion; rather, it is a complex process that can trigger various consequences. As time goes by, grief may not necessarily vanish completely, it simply becomes less relevant.
Struggling to overcome feelings of sadness, pain, and loss can be counterproductive. It’s usually recommended to allow yourself to grieve in your way. Each one has his or her own way of grieving, and the flow of emotions may differ depending on the conditions of the breaking up and the individual’s temperament and character. For instance, people who have experienced a divorce due to betrayal may need extra time and professional help from a competent therapist in the field to manage the emotions that flow through the client’s soul.
Simplify your legal matters and consider your expenses
Yes, dealing with divorce involves facing the legal aspects and having financial matters. You probably fear the loss of financial security. There may also be a loss of income but increased expenses for two homes. However, if possible, attempt to avoid a long, emotionally exhausting legal proceeding. Seeking a reliable and cheap divorce service can reduce expenses and time, lessen stress, and help avoid frustration.
Strive to cultivate a peaceful relationship with your ex-partner
Although it may appear simple and obvious, discarding former habits can be quite challenging. This is particularly true if you’re separating from a partner who likes to boast. Nonetheless, it’s essential to bear in mind that conflict is unlikely to be beneficial to either of you at this stage. When things get difficult, calm down, step away if necessary, and, most importantly, don’t let your former spouse create needless drama or evoke intense feelings you aren’t ready to experience. Focus on hobbies, meditation, and other stress-reduction practices that can be of use to you develop psychological resilience and respond appropriately to difficult circumstances while also developing new behavioral patterns.
Watch this video to learn more:
When children are involved
Splitting up can be equally challenging for children as it is for parents, having to do with their own emotions.
In addition to having to do with their feelings, parents must also manage their children’s emotions when they are involved. Parents enduring annulment often worry about how their children will adjust to the shift, multiplying the overall anxiety.
Telling your children about divorce may appear to be one of the most challenging aspects of the process. It’s necessary to inform and reassure them that the splitting up takes place between the parents and never involves the children. If your children are of different ages, it is recommended to have two conversations. The older and the younger are to know the different amount of details. And, of course, the news should be delivered using different words according to age. The way you explain the situation can greatly impact children’s level of anxiety. While it’s not necessary to provide specific information regarding the causes of the divorce, the children may want to know. Also, it’s best to be prepared with a general explanation that emphasizes the value of fostering a positive relationship with both parents.
Watch this video for more tips:
Provide your younger children with a schedule of activities, maintain stability, and be someone they can rely on. And their comfort will contribute to your mental comfort. This will help you to move on.
Want to read more of our latest posts? Check out our tips for co-parenting with a narcissistic ex-spouse.
