Jewelry Care 101: Keeping Your Treasures Shining
Money Talks: When Should You Talk About Finances in Your Relationship?
Photography by Katja Hentschel
If you are anything like me, one of the most awkward conversations you will ever have with your partner will be about money. I have always had a rather unhealthy relationship with money in that I have never really had a lot or made much. I have pretty much spent most of my life as a student and as soon as I finished in education I decided to start my own business, so as you can imagine I have always been pretty skint, learning to just scrape by with whatever money I had. In the past it never really bothered me, I only really had myself to think about so if it meant I had to go without luxuries I got over it, that was until I met and then moved in with Mr T.
All of sudden it wasn’t just me anymore and I soon began to feel ashamed that Mr T was being subjected to my simple, student style of living. Before he met me he would go to concerts, have holidays, weekends away and more importantly have food in the fridge but now all of that was being put on the backburner and I started to feel resentful of my business choices and guilty that he was no longer able to enjoy all the things he did before. I was afraid that he would end up resenting me, so it was time to bite the bullet and have the money talk.
Since we started living together we have always split our bills 50/50, it just seems fair and I personally would feel uncomfortable paying anything less however this means I don’t have surplus for extras or savings and it was important to me that Mr T knew this. I never wanted him to think I was frivolously spending my money on clothes and shoes, so we discussed things like how much I earnt and where I saw our business in a few years time etc. Since then I feel like the pressure has been taken off me somewhat, he understands my financial situation a little more and I no longer feel so guilty. Although it hasn’t solved my money worries completely it has certainly freed my mind and I wish it was a conversation we had had much earlier.
I must also note that not once has Mr T ever actually made me feel guilty or resented me, he has always been fully supportive of my decisions, yet it was something I had concocted in my mind (you know what we women are like!).
Rather than give advice, I wanted this post to be more of a discussion. I’m sure our situation isn’t unusual and I am sure many more of you are going through the same type of things in your relationships. So I wanted to know how you have approached the subject? How does the money work in your household?
This post is not meant to be judgemental, I honestly think that their is no right or wrong in these types of situations it’s just whatever works best for the couple, but lets make this a place where we can share our help and advice so that others know that they are not alone.
I hope you are all having a fabulous weekend whatever you are doing?
Much Bespoke Love
Emily x
Me and my parter don’t live together, as he was unemployed for so long and I’m planning to go to uni. We see our finances as sharing. I supported him for 2 1/2 years so he’s going to support me, then (like this past 18 months) were going to do everything 50/50.
We used to argue until we realised we are both awful with money. We’re frivolous with everything (read: love clothes) and accepting that we don’t argue. The 50/50 thing is the best way as were that selfish so I guess it works for all couples ha ha.
Thank you so much for sharing Jodie! Its nice to hear you can be so honest with each, I think that is what is key in any relationship! Best of luck with going back to Uni 🙂 xxxx
Hey Emily
Thank you for sharing this personally story.
It can be such a tough subject in a relationship and sadly there have been moments Dan and I have lost sight of the most important things and got caught up on how much we owe each other financially.
I’m super nervous about money, through being taken advantage of in the past financially by those I thought I could trust so I am so concerned about every penny I hand out now, even to Dan who I love dearly. And growing up watching my mum struggle in debt really scared me taking the plunge in living on a small wage even if it is to help towards a happier career for me.
In fact it pushed my life choices, I didn’t do uni because I couldn’t imagine getting into debt when I didn’t know what I wanted to do with my life. I have always worked and I have become comfortable with my healthy regular wage. But that safety isn’t always better which I have realised recently.
My job isn’t me yet it takes up so much of my life. I’m miserable in that job yet I’m too scared to take a step into the unknown to live on hardly anything.
But in time I am sure things will level out. I am sure they will for you too. We have to just swallow our worries, appreciate the people who love us are ready to support us and carry on doing what makes us happy.
I am sure your man would prefer to see you happy doing what you love. Don’t let the thing you love become a burden because of money worries.
I am saying all this as advice to myself too!
My cousin decided to be a nurse and lived as a full time student for 3 years but now it is worth it. It wasn’t easy but she made it. Don’t let your guilt take over the love you have for your business or future dreams. It will work out 🙂 and in time I am sure you will give back all you can in return to him. Not in money but in love and support when he needs it too.
As long as you are not stealing money to make it happen or expecting anyone to carry you, don’t fret! Lol I’ve known people like that and you’re far from it. 😉
You have integrity, ambition and a big dose of creativity. Don’t lose the spark over little pieces of paper that are only a simple tool to gain things.
Dan and I will still have hard times with money I am sure. But I hope we can sit down, talk about it and move on. Life is too short to dwell on it! Xx
Hi Hannah
Thanks so much for sharing your story with us too. I guess one of the reasons I found it so easy to jump into self employment was because I had never earned much in the first place so I didn’t feel like I had anything to lose. Yet I am at my most happiest now, I never wake up dreading the day ahead, if anything I miss not doing it and I am glad to say the money issue will never stop me doing what I love!
I know that will be the case for you too, once you have made that gigantic leap. As long as you are honest with each other at all times it will work itself out, it always does 🙂
Good luck!
When I first got together with my then boyfriend (now husband!), I was harbouring a terrible secret. I was the shameful owner of at least 5 maxed out credit cards and I had debts totalling over £30,000! Stu found out very quickly, after we got together, what a mess I was in and I had to sit down and be frank with him about my money situation literally within weeks of our relationship starting. Woah!! That was a huge thing for me and I was so totally ashamed to admit the state I was in. While my wages were covering my minimum payments and rent, I had no money left for food or other necessities (I once did a week’s shop with £6 of Tesco clubcard vouchers!!). I fully expected Stu to run for the hills but he didn’t. Instead, he actually took one of my credit cards off me and cleared it (before getting rid of it) and he bought me several large food shops until I got back on my feet. Of course, I never asked him for any of this and it’s certainly not the reason I dated him and later married him (!!) but it has meant that we have both had very honest chats about finances from virtually day one of our relationship. Talking about money comes very easily to the both of us now – both when we’re doing quite well and able to save a little bit and when we’re struggling and have to sacrifice a few things from time to time. It is so important to be able to discuss this with your partner because, yes, it can end up becoming this huge thing otherwise and can end up coming between you. And, let’s face it, would you really want to split up because of money?!! I know I wouldn’t!!
Hi Sarah
Thank you so much for sharing your story! I know all too well exactly how you must have felt and believe me you are not on your own with the Tesco vouchers, we have all been there! It still feels like christmas when those vouchers come through the door now 😀
I am so glad you and Stu were able to work through your finance troubles, he sounds like a wonderfully supportive guy and I really hope our stories will help other couples work through tough times like these, it can be done, all with a little help and a nudge in the right direction.
Big Love to you & Stu
xxxx